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(no subject)

Apr. 11th, 2001 | 11:48 pm

here's a list of all the matt's my friends and i know:


  • silent matt
  • mountaineering matt (a.k.a neighbor matt)
  • mautt (a.k.a. polish matt)
  • kira's matts (there are two)
    matt toomey and
  • jump,little children matt
  • jessica's matt
  • theatre matt
  • shack matt
  • dyno matt
  • malta matt
  • preston matt
  • salsa matt
  • bike matt
  • mary anne's mattie
  • blind matt
  • across the hall matthew
  • mattdavis
  • mattchristopher
  • the matts' annoying friend matt
  • my matt (a.k.a. mattkoon or my old matt)


*on a side note: i really do know all these matts and none of them from before college

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(no subject)

Apr. 8th, 2001 | 09:35 pm
music: moby - whispering wind

rumbling in the back of my mind: is it possible to return to innocence after it's been gone a year... with what i've done, most people would fall to pieces and never become whole again, and i can't say God didn't do anything to keep myself together
right now i'm pushing myself, i will reap the fruits of my efforts, there's a time for work, and a time for joy and now it's the harder
my parents are helping out only a little for my french trip, but i can manage... one of these days i will look back and think more about it, but now i can't think, i'm in an Andrew Marvell and even more so, a minimum-wage frame of mind

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(no subject)

Mar. 29th, 2001 | 09:53 pm

stressed, hearts been racing for hours now, so much to do, just relax, breathe in, breathe out, it doesn't matter, to him anyway, must run, wanted to puke, faces all a blur, big dork you, "you're the only student from that class to come see me" ugh, but nothing i do gets me anywhere, computer crash, all my music could have gone away, no songs that filled my head with meaning disappear, but didn't whew, that's a relief.. need to find joy, in creation, what God has made, my friends, ahh, my friends, the rain, cold drops on my face makes me happy... say it ain't so, played with a dog today, but he was chained to a chair, white, beautiful, just gave him the ball because i would have been really mean to throw it and he not be able to go after it.. i'm sure he was wanting to run and catch it though, but he was all chained up, man smiled, talked to myself again, lips moving (there goes that girl i don't like) without thinking i'm in public, oops, must keep lips from moving, show no emotion or clue that i might be thinking about something... spring's coming soon, i can see the bright green of life coming out.. french quiz tomorrow, must run, too much tension just need a base for love, i know where to find it, it's in the wind, the fleeting wind that sometimes isn't noticeable but when it is, it can take my breath away, and i like that, i makes me happy in the most elementaric sense

sometimes i need to just ramble, i'm tired of class and having to present myself calm and collected with my thoughts being well delivered, blah to that

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(no subject)

Mar. 28th, 2001 | 01:45 pm

today is another unmotivated day, there just aren't any rewards for me for trying so hard, there are none! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhah.. it fucking sucks


i feel like i'm in slaughter-house-five, only i'm not in any kind of war story, or middle-aged man story, i'm just floating between the past and present and future, everything is in the now, and i can't control where i am... a minute ago i was in the present time of this coming friday, and earlier this morning, i was at work at the basil pot taking down chairs.. but that was last week....... so my life right now is a blur, and i'm struggling to get things done with little reward for it

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(no subject)

Mar. 23rd, 2001 | 12:03 pm

why does this still bother me
the past three nights, you've been in my dreams
at a distance looking on
"dear heart, how like you this?"
you know what, i hate this


school takes up like 85% of my life, that sucks, and still my grades are kinda bad
i don't really have anything to say.....

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(no subject)

Mar. 7th, 2001 | 01:26 pm

i like that i go to the international friendship place and have free lunches, today they gave me a loaf of bread, they were just like, here, have a loaf of bread

you're driftwood, floating over water.... you've been drifting for a long, long time

i've started talking to this guy from my high school that i never met, but i knew his face... he's in my geography of popular music class... it's cool, b/c we can have small talk, but it isn't the annoying small talk where you're searching for things to say so that it isn't boring, it's just flowy...

ma vie, tout ma vie

so my life just flows now... i guess i'm happy, i can at least smile without thinking i shouldn't

i want to see, to sing my song, to live in a world where i belong, i want to live, where i survive...

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memorabilia

Mar. 3rd, 2001 | 12:08 am
music: heather nova - paper cup

i remember sleeping in my room when i was younger and letting the curtains breath in the wind of the summer . . . or sledding down a snowy hill at my grandma's . . .several other instances in my memory keep rushing back . . . like smelling a candle that was given to me creating my mind to think of times past, those times that will never be again . . . and then i think of now, the smells that will later make my soul yearn for what is now . . . why can't i have that same passion for the present... oh, if only...

as for now, going to the weezer concert is my latest instance of those times, it might just be frivolous-pop-geek-rock, but it was great... i love my friends

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(no subject)

Mar. 1st, 2001 | 11:45 am
music: weezer - the good life

things on my mind:

  • list of how to be a better student
  • leftover spanikopita from work
  • slumps of no motivation related to spirituality?
  • weezer concert tonigh!!! wahooo

    "it's time i got back to the good life... it's time i got back, it's time i go back,
    and i don't even know how i got off the track... i want to gooo back"

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(no subject)

Feb. 28th, 2001 | 12:53 pm

monotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonousmonotonous

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(no subject)

Feb. 26th, 2001 | 02:24 pm
mood: annoyedannoyed

today's a normal day... but my view of human stupidity is growing more and more

there was a girl who wrote an article in the student newspaper about the catholic church and the church as a whole, it was very stupid, like one line for instance goes a little something like this "when a child is baptized, he should receive a notice telling him how many points he must earn before he can enter the pearly gates" you'd think she was making fun of catholicism, but really she was serious
"if you have committed one of the seven deadly sins or have broken a commandment, you may not do a good deed to make up for the bad deed. Chances are you are going to hell anyway, so there's no point in wasting your time or that of the Lord's (our official scorekeeper)."
ahhh, i can not believe this, this woman has no idea of God's grace, she shouldn't be allowed to open her mouth

so anyway, i need to get back to my paper... i wish i could go outside and play, but i guess i'm grown up now, and i have to do adult like things, ugh

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